Saturday, October 1, 2011

Maybe its still my fault

I was digging around in my blog archives at DN and discovered this post.  It was published over six months ago, long before genetics tests were even on the radar screen.  I had forgotten all about this post.  It seems like ages ago when we received the news that has changed our lives.  Now that we have a name for Chloe's disorder and know more about what to expect, I don't know exactly what to think of the post.  It seems almost prophetic in a way.  After reading it again I decided to share it over here.  Many things have changed but one thing remains constant.  See for yourself.

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It's all my fault


We are going through some very trying times in our lives right now. The story is this: we have a daughter that is nearly 16 months old. Most toddlers her age are walking, talking, feeding themselves and being chased around by their parents. Our daughter still has to be fed with a bottle to be well nourished. She cannot walk, she is not even able to crawl on her hands and knees. We haven't heard the joyful sound of her calling for mama or dada. She is like a newborn in a toddlers body and I think it is all my fault.

It's not because of some enormous sin that God is punishing me for. I know that my punishment for sin was bore on Christ's cross 2000 years ago. No, it's not God giving us what we deserve. Rather, I think it is something I asked for in prayer.

I know what you're thinking. Who would ask for a handicapped child? Well, I didn't. What I asked for is for God to give me his best. I asked that He would bless me in every way to make me and my wife more like Christ. So I am convinced that the difficulties we face concerning our beloved daughter are God's blessing in answer to prayer.

Hebrews 5:8 says Although he was a son, 
he learned obedience through what he suffered.

So we are suffering, it's all my fault and I thank God for it. Your prayers on our behalf are greatly appreciated. Not for our ability to cope or to understand but rather for us to trust and obey and to count it all joy.

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Your prayers are still appreciated.  

We still don't understand.  

We're still hopeful but it is still tough.  

Now we know it is likely a completely random genetic mutation like the X-men but in a not so cool read your mind, control the elements or shape-shift sorta way.  

Even so, she IS still our special little girl and maybe it is still my fault.
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4 comments:

  1. Norma Hill - aka penandpapermamaOctober 2, 2011 at 4:07 PM

    Wow. You're blessing the rest of us too.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Jennifer J GoodingOctober 11, 2011 at 4:46 AM

    Wow, Bobby. You humble me and I hold you up to God in prayer and thanksgiving. Thank you for sharing your vulnerability to us in faithfulness. We all share that, but don't always recognize and answer with the gracefulness you do. I praise God for your witness to me.

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  3. Lady LeoNovember 7, 2011 at 4:43 PM

    Wow, indeed! Such touching words. {hugs}

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  4. RissaOctober 10, 2012 at 6:08 PM

    This verse came to mind while reading your blog.
    Song of Solomon 4:16, "Awake, Oh north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden and eat his pleasant fruits."
    It would seem much easier if the winds of adversity could be something other than what involves my child. But our Lord smells the spices and feeds on the fruit of our surrender to Him, in whatever circumstances we find ourselves, which satisfies His heart. His body also benefits greatly. Blessings:

    ReplyDelete

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